Painless
by angelikecheater
Summary: For a demon, he was just too caring; even if it was just part of the contract.


**Title:** Painless

**Summary:** For a demon, he was just too caring; even if it was just part of the contract.

**A/N**: This fic disregards the 2nd season of the anime.

* * *

All that I can see were his amethyst lit eyes shining into mine, the demon that he was, beautiful until the last minute. Tingling sensations followed the trail of his fingers on my face as he removed the eye patch covering his mark. I am about to die and all of the thoughts on revenge were a mere illusion. They were gone as we sailed the river to pass the world and to end the contract. As we were sailing, everything that happened in my life no longer meant anything. My wish was granted; my orders were carried out the way I wanted them to be. Those who humiliated me were gone.

This is not my existence anymore, because my existence is standing right before me. It is HIM. Striking against the sea of gray fog and the darkness of the river, he stands out, still proud even with just one arm left.

I want to be the perfect butler until the last time, he says. But he was already perfect. I could not ask for more. Ironically, it was a demon that kept the promise of never leaving my side until the end and it was an angel who pushed me towards hell. He was a creature of the night – taking advantage of every poor soul wandering yet, he was my light. I am the king and he played my knight.

No, in this last moment, it was not revenge but a playback of the time spent with that hell of a butler. It is him that I look for when I am alone to tuck me in my covers at night. A morning would not be complete without him coming into my room to wake me up. He was the fuel of my life - the adrenaline pumping in my veins. Sebastian was the one who lifted me up. That's why when he let me down in Paris, everything was a blur. When he went away for just a moment, my life went in circles, undirected, nonsense. It was too late before I realized that night that what he said was a farewell. The piercing purple Faustinian seal was still on my eye; but no matter how many times I call him, he would not come.

That is why when he touches me, I push him away; because I am vulnerable when he is on my skin. I feel helpless without him. I became over-dependent. In every little thing that I did, Sebastian's advice was always present. I cringe at his every touch, at his every stare, at his very smile. Because I feel pathetic. Because it is Sebastian. He is my game piece and I am the master. It should have been nothing more than that.

When he asked me to close my eyes to hide his real form, I closed them as fast as I could. Perhaps, because I trusted him. But it was not only the reason. I shut my eyes because I was afraid to see a different demon standing in front of me. I was afraid that the Sebastian that I had known will be shattered to pieces if I laid my eyes on his real form. For a demon, he was just too gentle. He was almost an angel – clad in black. For a demon, he was just too caring; even if it was just part of the contract. But then, maybe it is Sebastian's talent to change people's lives.

I remembered the servants that I have left behind to battle with Pluto. I don't know if they are still breathing or already lying cold on the burnt London ground. What I just knew was that they beat our demon dog – which surprised me. That night, as I clung to Sebastian, wounded, asking him who would fall, he answered that those servants are equivalent to the strength of Pluto when they are serious. Coming from a demon, for a normal person, those words are strange. But then, my butler was always different. He was the streak of hope and inspiration to the people in the Phantomhive Mansion. He always was. Even to me.

'~-+-~'

_ What would have been my life without Sebastian?_

There was no hesitation when I made the contract even if the deal involved my soul. I was ready to give it from the start. If there was not a demon that heard my call, then my life will be proven void. Purified, cleansed, and dead from the musings of the massacring angel and the mad Queen Victoria. I would have been long dead; unable to know the truth. I would have stayed and died as a child that knew nothing in life that knew only of laughter, never tears. I would have died under the spell that I could get everything I want.

Because I am Ciel.

Ciel Phantomhive.

A Phantomhive.

Yes, our family name passed from generations wields incredible power. Yet, it was nothing compared to Sebastian who became my sword and shield.

You're late is the phrase that always come out of my lips when I am caught in trouble and he is not by my side. But mind you, it does not matter because I know that wherever he is, when I call out his name, he would be there.

Sebastian.

Sebastian Michaelis.

A name that I gave to him when he became my servant.

'~-+-~'

Never mind the contract. To me, he is the most faithful and loyal servant that there was. After solving the case of the religious cult and I asked him to take my life, he just stared at me, smiled and bowed. He asked if I would let him stay by my side with me as his master. Truth, never lies. That is Sebastian. He knew that the game was not over yet, for the angel, powerful as he was, was not yet dead. If my life is a fairy tale or a take on history, it was a different one. I was the king that never got betrayed by the one closest to him. His knight. My game pieces came and went. A lot betrayed me, but I was never left alone. Sebastian stayed by my side. He was my butler, come what may.

He carried me one last time as we hopped off the boat that carried us to the island. It would be the last place that I would gaze my eyes on. The last place that I would be with him. It was not elegant. It was full of dead trees and rocks. In the clearing was a stone bench, all alone and forgotten. Sebastian sat me on that waiting bench. Funny that I of noble blood would not be sitting on a cushioned chair that befits royalty. I could not care less. I let myself dwell one last time on my butler's features. I would meet my end here, with the butler that I trusted so much.

He stood there with his tail coat on; thus, covering his missing arm. His hair still hung limply on his angular face. His eyes still pierced, be it the amber or the amethyst one. His skin glowed in the pale moonlight… He never changed.

Would it hurt? I heard myself croak; as if choking the words out. I did not ask this so that I could run away as fast as I could. There was no remorse for the soul that I would be giving up. I was prepared long ago for the consequences of the deal. I have accepted that I would always be shaded in the darkness, whilst others bathed in light. I asked this just to break the silence which was making me feel awkward. After all, I did not know how he was going to devour my soul. I was not frightened at all with the thought though. I have met worse nightmares before tonight. Having my soul taken by my butler was not an issue. He was Sebastian after all. What makes me feel awkward was that I knew that this will be the last moment that I would be looking into his eyes.

He replied that it would hurt a little bit but he would try to make it gentle. Up to the last moment, he was still placid. However, I did not want my death to be painless. And so, I told him to make it as painful as possible. I wanted the pain that he would etch on my soul to linger and serve as a reminder of the reason of my past existence. I wanted him to etch the pain that he'd received after each blow to protect me from my enemies. I wanted to feel what I supposed he felt with each lash, with each bullet, with each hit. I knew he would give it to me. It was my last order anyway. It was the last command of the young king with the corrupted soul, the filthy spirit, the marked boy.

He leaned to take off his white glove with his teeth. His soft yet calloused hands trailed my face to uncover my mark. I felt the patch come off and drop to the ground. I stared at his eyes, searching for something as he lifted my chin up. My eyes widened. His amber eyes which mirrored my reflection turned amethyst as if there were fire dancing in his pupil. I held still as he leaned closer. And I saw his mischievous smirk once more. He was closing in onto me; hungry for the lone soul that he was waiting for. I did not dare close my eyes. I wanted to remember the face of my butler.

The next thing that I knew was that his lips were on mine, sucking air, constricting my lungs, making me grip the edge of the bench. I felt my heart thump profusely as if wanting to come out. My head was spinning, unable to process what was happening anymore. My stomach was tied in knots - getting tighter and tighter by the moment.. yet this pain was nothing compared to the pain that those purifiers inflicted on me.

Ah Sebastian. You lessened the pain.

'~-+-~'

I closed my eyes. I could not feel the cold air that the place gives off. I could only feel the consumption of my soul. I could only feel his soft lips on mine. My grip on the bench was getting loose. In my weakened state, I blindly led my other arm to wrap itself on Sebastian's neck. As if understanding my movements, Sebastian pulled me up and held me by the waist. I could sense that he was bending his tall body to make up for my short stature. I was holding onto him; not anymore for dear life, but for the last moment that he is by my side.

His lips never left mine. The sucking air was no more, my heartbeat was slowing down. I weakly opened my eyes. The amethyst pair before me was no more, replaced by melancholic shades of red. My grip on his neck loosened. Was everything pity? I don't have the strength to break away and muster to anymore. I saw a beautiful black feather on his shoulder. And that was all that I was able to gaze upon. My eyelids shut on their own accord. There was nothing more but black that I could see.

Dark as the black feather, death engulfed the king.

His crown fell askew on his head, as he sits, lifeless, on top of his game pieces.

'~-+-~'

Sebastian Michaelis carried the body of his young master towards the bench. Sitting himself on the cold bench, the butler laid his former master's head on his lap as the dark sea of fog cleared and the night sky, blue as Ciel's eyes cast light on them both.

The demon's subtle eyes gazed from the night sky to the frail body of a child. He tenderly lifted one eyelid, the one which once harbored his mark, and saw that it was Ciel's sapphire iris back in its place. Leaning down to kiss theboy one more time, the demon sighed.

_"All good things come to an end." _

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**Author's Note:**

Okay, after almost 3 years, this fic is my first take on writing again. My first YAOI fic! I just love Kuroshitsuji. I stayed up late finishing the last 3 episodes only to find myself, after finishing the DVD, typing like mad on my laptop, inspired by the anime's last episode. Mind you, I don't understand at all if this fic is fluffy or angsty. Maybe, just maybe, these were Ciel's last thoughts on that night. *shrugs* Oh well, there goes my dear imagination. Ciel might be cold… but everyone has their weakness, right?

Comments/Suggestions please? I would love constructive criticisms too :)

Thank you to pretense who beta-ed this fic for me :D I really appreciate your patience in correcting a half asleep person's musings and story. 2AM in the morning, tsk...

Almonds, anyone? :3


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